Episode # 32 : Rational Romance

Monday, 13 November 2006 01:23

16 Comments

Our first podcast with both of us sitting face to face...so it definitely was weird to begin with but we eased up as time passed . We start with a few HR issues that start ups like ours face. Belated Gandhijayanti and a very Happy Dry Day!! Whats up with national holiday's being Dry Days?

Our first podcast with both of us sitting face to face...so it definitely was weird to begin with but we eased up as time passed . We start with a few HR issues that start ups like ours face. Belated Gandhijayanti and a very Happy Dry Day!! Whats up with national holiday's being Dry Days? We consistently digress from one topic to the next and have maintained the tradition in this podcast as well... ...An arranged marriage is a marriage where the marital partners are chosen by others based on considerations other than the pre-existing mutual attraction of the partners. We can visualise an american teenager after reading the definition exclaim, "Phew! That stuff still happens?" But, here in India, this concept is not only age old, but, apparently more successful than love marriages! We have some interesting stories to share. Orkut, the social networking site allows everyone to have split personalities! The earthling, Jack is completely different from the Netizen, Jack. He "transforms" himself into some other man altogether and gains a few brownie points on the internet from girls! Online Matrinomial sites, a haven and heaven for single males! But, we feel it is dangerousy weird to decide to spend a life with a stranger from (net)seltown! And "Arranged Dates" can be hilarious! Listen to know more. Yours Internetally, Abhishek P.S : Intro music provided by Alms for Shanti Listen Online (64 kbps) :/Episode length : 19 mins

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0 #1 Pratiti 2006-12-30 00:40

Hey guys! I absolutely loved this episode! I???m personally all for a love marriage that starts off with friendship. And there is no way my profile will go up on shaadi.com! Abhishek, good luck with the love life ;-) great job guys; you never cease to amuse and entertain!

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0 #2 Shalin 2006-12-30 00:41

Great episode guys! I definitley enjoyed all the humorous bits and some of the entertaining hard-truths (e.g.: women will get many more ???interest requests??? than guys).

Similar to Pratiti - I???m for a ???friends first??? relationship??otherwise expectation will diverge and everything gets complicated and less managable??
Best,
Shalin

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0 #3 Sanjay 2006-12-30 00:41

All Indians have arranged marriages. There is no choice, no Indian family is going to let you have a love marriage especially if your not ???suitable??? caste-wise, *money*-wise, too dark, etc. All Indians especially in the US lie about their arranged marriages, since they are afraid of what americans might think. friends-first marriage is just going to guarantee you a 57% or more failure rate, so it doesn???t matter, expectations will diverge more than half the time anyway. As for the apparent greater success of arranged marriages, there are some problems, success implies happy marriage, so there???s no way really to assess that, just the shear numbers of arranged marriages makes the numbers seem tilted, but you have to consider how divorce is seen socially etc. and how the families react to it in each social structure. In the end both arranged and love marriages probably end up having the exact same success and failure rates and each have the same levels of pros and cons, so there is no better answer. Finally, Indians stop pretending you even can or ever could have love marriages, just accept it, you will have arranged marriage, end of story, just deal with it, and let whatever the americans think be what it may, just own it, that makes it cool anyway.

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0 #4 Shalin 2006-12-30 00:42

Blanket statements about marriage and romance are a bit dangerous to make.
If you want your personal success defined by someone else and believe that it cannot possibly be defined by yourself - then Sanjay is totally right that a love marriage is not in the cards.

Expectations will diverge in any relationship - in a marriage founded on friendship??I think it???s far more recoverable and long lasting. Great communication can solve a lot of problems - personal and professional??

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0 #5 Abhishek 2006-12-30 00:42

Pratiti: ???Love Marriage starting off with friendship!??? I bet you are a great fan of Karan Johar movies! Nothing against him!

Shalin: i have a plan as to what one should do if one doesn???t get a ???friend first??? relationship (i.e. love marriage)?? say, it is time for the guy/girl to marry??. The guy will have his set of friends (girls) and vice versa who are of marriagable age??. and then since they are hunting for strangers to get their marriage ???arranged???, they should consider marrying from that set of friends instead! Two reasons -
1) They are friends since long. And hence there are no ???surprises???.
2) It could be a better bet than an arrainged marriage where the two parties try put forth their best to each other in the first couple of meetings (which is all they have got to make that decision!).

Sanjay: ???All indians have arranged marriages.??? Yeah, in 1892, that might have been the case. While caste and kundali are the two filters that are still used by many a parent today to get their kids married, love marriages are on the rise here in India because unlike half a century ago, girls are more independent and the concept of the man being the ???Head of the family??? is decreasing. But, i like the point that you made about arranged marriages being cool! I mean, seriously, to an average enterprising (I know that???s an oxymoron) American, anything that is unconventional or weird is cool??

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0 #6 Aditya 2006-12-30 00:42

All,

I know that abhishek also believes in friends first??. but the problem is that he never goes to the next level. He has been stuck at the ???friend??? level for 9 years.

Sanjay ??? I am guessing you had an arranged marriage. no offense?? they work..

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0 #7 MrPatel 2006-12-30 00:43

???Love marriages are on the rise??? ? HAHAHAhahahah!! oh my god that is so funny!
yeah, and yesterday I saw an indian movie where the characters: actually kiss! (oh, the scandal!) and no that was not 1892, my friend, that was 2006! you see, this is what I???m talking about, the denial. Just accept it. Deal with it, and stop pretending,
the one love marriage out of 1.2 billion does not mean anything is changing, so
stop and just accept. your indian, your marriage is arranged, done. Besides the real
issue is, which is better, arranged marriage sex, or love marriage sex? can you
really ask your ???friend??? to do that? I don???t think so, at least with arranged marriage
its no problem. enjoy.

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0 #8 Abhishek 2006-12-30 00:43

Mr. patel: Point taken! But, really, I find it a tad amusing that it is hard for a few to believe that in India, love marriages is an improbability!

Love marriage sex Vs. Arranged marriage sex! In the former you choose to end the platonic relationship after you reach a point in your relationship?? and while it may not be a norm in the 1.2 billion country, it is not an exception among the youth?? In the latter, I agree with you that there ain???t much problem ?? rather it is more interesting.. it is like a contract and is understood that sex is part of the contract called arranged marriage??. Correct me if I am wrong??

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0 #9 Aditya 2006-12-30 00:44

I agree with abhishek?? why is it so diffcult to digest the fact that love marriages do happen??

Mr Patel : pls define a Love marriage as you think of it.

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0 #10 lavanya 2006-12-30 00:44

hellooo. Great episode :D
OK, if you???re an indian, you may not have an arranged marriage but you definitely will be exposed to arranged marriages and (threatened?) presented with arranged ???options???..
But i think the world is changing. And shaadi.com = pure entertainment, i don???t think any of those ???marriages??? actually work.
Abhishek- I hope you find someone soon- I???m sure that someone as macho as you will find someone quite soon :P

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0 #11 MrPatel 2006-12-30 00:44

Final Thoughts then:

1. All Indians have arranged marriages

2. All Indians will talk and talk and talk endlessly trying to claim otherwise (see next upcoming comments)

3. Arranged marriages are cool anyway, so just deal and enjoy

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0 #12 Abhishek 2006-12-30 00:44

Mr. Patel: Brilliant summary! :-) I could imagine you reading our comments and go, ???These guys will never get it. It???s time for the final verdict.??? Keep listening! We will come with another episode (which will be miles away from arranged marriages!) soon!

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0 #13 Aditya 2006-12-30 00:45

THis is just to tease MrPatel??. I am going to have a love marriage!!

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0 #14 AdityaAditya???s Dad and Mom 2006-12-30 00:45

Aditya, young man! you will marry the girl we picked out for you or else!

-Aditya???s Dad and Mom

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0 #15 Arun 2006-12-30 00:45

I totally loved your episode guys. Keep it up. Some people are of the opinion that love marriages or friends - first marriages are not our culture or whatever. I dont understand, where does culture and things like that come in picture. Its our life. We cannot get married to a stanger, can we??

Keep it up abhishek and aditya. and abhishek all the very best in your mission to graduate from the friend to something further.

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0 #16 Pratiti 2006-12-30 00:46

Well, I don???t like the movies always, but I will say that the way I am, I have had my parents try to arrange something for me, and it hasn???t worked out. I like knowing the person???s good AND bad side so that I know what I am getting myself into! I don???t know if you agree or not, but with time comes compromise and understanding; which you usually don???t get with an arranged marriage. You are usually not completely yourself from the beginning and lash out later on, which I would personally not have as part of my life. Not to say love marriages are perfect. They do have a lower success rate, and as my cousin says, ???If I am forced to marry someone and I don???t like him, I can always say, mom, I tried my best, now this ass is your problem???; which means that you may be trapped but at least you can say I told you so! Which is something else I???d rather not do. I am a doer of my own deeds, and I would rather learn from my experience than have to deal with someone else???s mistake or my lack of thorough thought towards marrying someone I barely met. It???s like buying a car from a salesman versus one from a good friend! I don???t know if what I said makes much sense, but I am certain I will never marry someone that is ???picked out??? for me! :-) Anyway, that was a pretty good comment discussion though; I really enjoyed it!

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